Between Dreams and Reality

There are times where you have to choose between what you want and what you need. When faced with that decision last year, I chose wrongly and got neither.

 

I think it was about this time last year that I went to Jackson National Life to take some pre-employment testing. They turned me down at first, but a few months later, I got a call saying that they’d reconsidered and they would like to interview me. I was thisclose to getting a position in the call center (or so I think), but instead of accepting, I started crying (*headdesk of mortification*) because I hadn’t heard back from Pepperdine on whether they were going to accept me into their psychology graduate program. So–of course–since I couldn’t make a commitment, they turned me down.

This year, I made the cut at Consumer’s Energy for a position at their call center (providing I pass the drug and background checks, of course). With starting pay at over thirteen dollars an hour, benefits and hours currently running into overtime (not to mention the possibility of being called in for any and all storms that pop up in the state of Michigan), this isn’t a position to sneeze at. But it comes with a price.

I’m currently registered for three classes–Editing Legal Documents on Mondays and Wednesdays, Paralegal Career/Ethics on Tuesdays and Thursdays and Introduction to Forensic Science online. If I keep my classes, I’ll have training eight hours a day, five days a week (for six weeks); class two hours a day, four days a week (for three-ish months); plus the online class and homework. Between getting up at five-thirty in the morning, coming home at eight and going to bed at ten(-ish), I’ll be a mess. If I didn’t cry (and/or have a panic attack) on the first day of trying to manage that combination, I’d be shocked. So I guess I’m going to drop out of school.

My mother was surprised that I was going to drop out of school, but that I could do what I want. Well, no…I can’t do what I want. School won’t pay my father back, school won’t give me benefits, school won’t let me (finally) buy my own car, school won’t let me (finally) move out. But working for CE will do all that for me. I want to become a paralegal (since all my other career aspirations didn’t work out), I want to move out to California, I want to have the life I’ve always dreamed of; but I can’t. I won’t have time to go to school (working ten to twelve hours a day will certainly put an axe on that), CE only serves Michigan…the only thing I’ll still be able to do is write novels. If I even have the energy for that!

I never thought I’d see the day where I’d have to drop out of school because I can’t go to work and go to school at the same time, but shit happens. Life happens.

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