I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried!

Let me try to summarize what happened up to this point, since it's gotten out of control.




I was working at the mall as an Easter Bunny's helper; but–behind the scenes–we were dealing with difficult mall management. (I call the general manager "Voldemort" and the gal who follows her around the mall is her "Chief Death Eater"…does that tell you anything?) Voldemort wanted to be in control of everything…dress code, what corporate policies we followed (yes, really…that was my first face-off with her: citing corporate policy to a guest), etcetera. She didn't even want us to wear the polo shirt issued by the contractor we were working for, but (somehow), the district manager prevailed. Since I couldn't find khakis on my tiny budget and in my size (just a pair of chocolate slacks that were too long and also unacceptable), I borrowed a butterscotch-colored skirt from my grandma, thinking that would be fine. (It probably would've been, if I was dealing with Meijer or Walmart.)

I wear the polo shirt and skirt in peace on 22 March (no Voldemort and pals on weekends) and report to work as usual on 26 March wearing the same thing. Voldemort (or one of her pals) must have seen me; because less than a half hour later, my boss gets a call from her district manager–no skirts. Given that it's almost a week after opening and the edict comes down a short time after I arrived, I know that not only did Voldemort complain to "J", but she did it to exact her revenge on me for our first face-off on 20 March. Rather than send me out to more stores, knowing that I didn't have any money and less than twenty-four hours to find something, "S" let me go. I cried (natural reaction…I [unfortunately] cry rather easily), but I was actually relieved to be away from Voldemort and I didn't blame any of it on S.


Well, at least not 'til now.
(I'll get there in a moment.)


Since I knew that we weren't the only ones being mistreated (S had said several times that no one liked Voldemort and one of my friends at one of the stores had said much the same), I posted a short review on the mall's Facebook page and a longer review on Yelp, clearly stating that mall management treated its tenants and contractors rottenly; saying it's hardly amazing people don't renew their leases (on Yelp) and that [contractor I worked for] should think long and hard about bidding to provide the mall with Santa/Bunny service in the future (on FB).

knew that I was going to get banned (I was hoping for a year or three, but it didn't surprise me that it's for life)…what I wasn't expecting was what happened this afternoon.

I got an email around 12:30p from S asking me to call her. Figuring it would be a plea from her to take down the reviews, I emailed her back and said, "Nothing doing…I'm standing by the truth." (Note that most of these conversations are going to be paraphrased from hereon.) I mentioned it to "E" and she said that S wanted me to call because she wanted me to work.

Remembering that I'd been let go due to clothes in the first place (and not knowing yet I'd been banned), I said, "Wearing what? My lilywhite ass?" I went on to say that as much as I'd like the money, I didn't want to walk straight back into the lion's den, so it wouldn't be happening.

That's when E said I'd been banned for life, but S found that ridiculous.


(Stops to recover her brain cells.)


S wanted me to come back to work, even though I've been banned for life.

As the Southerners say, "Do what?"


"Oh, but Voldemort has no legal recourse," says E.

"Yeah, she does," I replied. "It's called trespassing." (Pretty sure I'd know that even if I hadn't taken those paralegal classes.)

"If I showed up to the mall, security would be called to escort me out and Voldemort would be well within her rights to call the sheriff's department (that's the nearest law enforcement) and have me arrested for trespassing."


So my ex-boss wanted to use me as a pawn to piss off mall management, thereby setting me up to get arrested for trespassing.

Yup. Couldn't make this shit up if I tried!

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