Why I Hate April Fools’ Day

You'll notice I carefully held this until after 1 April, so no one would try to pretend this is a jape.


We, as a society, are already (practically) morally bankrupt–we don't need help in this process. Every day, people steal, rape, kill, assault, act rudely, treat others like they are the Goddess and their word is law and–most recently–make laws encouraging the discrimination of minority groups. Why, therefore, do we need a day that gives us license to take these negative practices to the extreme? (I wanted to say, "License to act like children", but I believe many children are better people than we adults are on this day.)

I acknowledge that the first mention of something like April Fools' Day appeared in The Canterbury Tales and the actual "holiday" perhaps came into practice in the 1500s, but that doesn't mean we should still be doing it today.

You know how I feel on 1 April? That I can trust absolutely nobody. Some people like that feeling, but I hate knowing that–more than any other day–someone could be lying to me and I could get sucked into believing it. Visual pranks are all right in the sense that you can see them coming. But verbal or practical jokes? Forget it. You won't know unless and until someone springs it on you.

Personally, I think the whole tradition is juvenile. I'm twenty-nine, not nine, and have better things to do with my time. If I want to laugh, I'll make a stupid pun, mess words around on purpose (you should see what our grocery list looks like every month!) or watch BBT. I do not, under any circumstances, pull pranks. (That thing with my dad a few weeks ago wasn't a prank, it was, "How long can I sit here 'til he notices me?" Which is probably bad enough.) I don't even watch America's Funniest Home Videos anymore (it's gotten old after twenty-six years, just like Simpsons, unfortunately), but when I spare it a glance, my least favorite videos are the ones with pranks. Heck, April Fools is not even observed in my house because I've declared it to be far too immature. (I think my sixty-four year old father would rather stick to puns, anyway…less effort for someone who has pain issues.)


I am actually willing to lose friends over this. One gal I used to be friends with ('til today, obviously) decided to pull a lottery prank, opening with the line, "I can't believe I won! I wonder what to do with so much money!"

Someone actually said, "good for you" and I replied, "Yeah, if you believe the joke."

"I have the ticket right here in my hand, Dayanara…how do you know I didn't win?"

"Because I know you're not stupid enough to spend $20+ on one of those high payout scratchers, which means you're trying to convince us you have a draw ticket. Powerball doesn't draw 'til after 10p [this was around six] and if you'd won last night's Mega Millions, you would've been careful to tell us before today, so we wouldn't think it's a joke." (I didn't think of Classic Lotto 47, which only draws here in Michigan, but not many do, I think.)

Here's hint: if you're going to play a lottery prank, stick to those fake tickets people put in Christmas stockings. It's far too easy to look up when the last drawing was on the national games, or you'll get someone like me who knows a little bit about both draws and scratchers, so zhe can call you out.

Anyway, this "friend" continued with, "I didn't say how much I won!"

"What? $2? $3? $5?" (I think I've won $5 on my best draw and that's it.)

Seeing that she was being so obstinate with the prank, I removed her from my friend list as soon as I posted my last response. Not a few minutes later, I happened to pick up my tablet for something and there's a message from her that says something like, "Please don't. You're ruining my April Fools."

"No problem," I replied. "My friends are mature enough to not participate in such childish activities. Ergo, you are no longer my friend. Bye bye!"

Really, people. Grow up, move along, get a life.


The End.

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