No One Will Agree!

Everyone’s making their Star Wars lists, so I might as well join the party–with reasons, since this isn’t twitter. I doubt anyone will agree, though…

(P.S.: Spoilers abound! Lector cuidado!)

Not Counted

  • Clone Wars: never saw any of them, never made an effort to see them. Not only do I prefer live action to stay that way (unless it's a quick cut-in, a la Kill Bill), but if I remember right, not all the movie actors repeated their roles. Yuck.
  • Solo: after my disappointment with Rogue One (and since I've never been a big Han fan), I'll skip it. (I'll probably read the novel, though, just so I'm caught up.)
  • IX: for obvious reasons


The Real Thing

9) Rogue One: yikes, what a stinker! Boring, draggy, and everyone dies at the end. I actually walked out halfway through because I couldn't stop looking at my phone to see how much time had passed! (It's been a year and I still can't believe I walked out of a Star Wars movie!)

I read the novelization to ensure I hadn't missed anything, and to confirm my sneaking suspicion that everyone dies at the end. (It wasn't much better that way.)

I realize that not every movie has to have a happy ending, but killing off all but the two characters that show up in IV-VI? Damn.

8) Attack of the Clones: congratulate Gareth Edwards–until Rogue One, this was my least favorite.

You would think the big arena fight (pictured) would excite me.


You'd think Yoda versus Count Dooku would excite me.

Sort of. (I would probably tie it for first in Best Battles of All Time.)

But neither of those redeem an otherwise flat outing, especially when you compare it to the lush costumes of the first and the drama of the third.

7) Empire Strikes Back: kind of baffled over suddenly hearing people say that this is the best Star Wars movie of all time. I'm guessing it's because of the big father/son battle? I agree that that's important, but Empire doesn't do a whole lot to forward the story outside of that point, which makes it a tad too dry for me.

6) Return of the Jedi: now we're actually getting to the movies that mean something to me!

"That outfit on Leia! (Jesus, Mary and Jojo the Carpenter!) How'd she get sucked into slavery, anyway?"

"Will Han still be alive when they get him out of the carbonite? Can they get him out of carbonite?" (When it looks like a big rock, concerns abound.)

And the big battle between Luke, Vader and Palpatine? Legendary!

(P.S.: Anakin's Sith name means "father" in Dutch? Yeah, Lucas thought he was clever. *snickerfit*)

5) Phantom Menace: I like the costumes, okay?!

(Although I feel sorry for Natalie, as I'm sure it took them hours to get her headpieces right, the dresses to lay just so, etcetera. The more elaborate the costume, the longer the actor spent getting ready, after all.)

You're not going to catch me saying the Gunguns were at all necessary, however. JarJar was (pardon the pun) jarring as comic relief, but his people weren't all that essential to the fight, either. Putting a major plot point on his shoulders in the next movie (or was it the third?) didn't redeem him to anyone, either.


Turn the page to read my top four!

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