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Heartbreaker

Someday, I'll manage to get enough material together to publish A Wren in the Willow.

But that day is not this.


I keep breaking my heart
over and over again
for a man that will never love me.

Not just this man,
but those who have come before him;
those that the Goddess has brought into my life
for no real reason other than to see me hurt.
To light my heart on fire with love,
with passion,
with dreams…
and then to laugh
as it all goes crumbling away in a moment.

The gods love taking down the ambitious.
Nothing makes them happier
than seeing a grown woman cry over loneliness.
“If I could just have…” she says.
“You can have solitude,” They say.
“You can have tears and sighs and
the wonder of why We did this to you.”

When I woke up
on that morning three years ago,
I was delighted to be in love.
But at the same time,
I knew I was headed for another world
of unbelievable pain.
Seven months free
and back to the hole from which I crawled.

If I could draw my sword and sever all ties,
I’d be much happier.
No more cycles of love and pain,
no more beloveds out of reach,
no more stupid ideas.
Just me,
loving myself.
And moving on.

Astrobits II

School

(Astrology school, of course, not grad.)

I haven’t done anything. (*sigh*)

Partially because I’m lazy and forgetful (wonderful side effect of depression, that last one) and partially because I think I’m hoping in the back of my mind that we get another stimulus check in the next few months. Why start up with the cheap program at the Centre of Excellence if I can hold on a little longer and get the money I need for Chris Brennan’s program?

Oh and apparently because I also said last time that I was going to wait. (*facepalm*)


Very Important Question: why is it “Hellenistic” instead of “Hellenic” astrology?


Work

Fiverr clients? Nope. But I got a…well, I don’t know if you want to call it a job offer…it was a “we’re looking for people like you!” message.

A site wanted someone to work for them as a full time astrologer doing general and love horoscopes, earning a decent fee per month.

That’s great, but you really need to read the listings before you message people, or you’ll completely miss, “I’m doing software-generated reports to earn money for astrology school” and that I can’t yet do what you want.

(Not to mention that amount of money might start making SSA ask Awkward Questions About My Disability, since Fiverr is actually doing tax reporting now.)

I mean, if you want me to fake it for a few weeks while you pay for me to go to school…? (*snicker*)

That’s okay. I did the right thing by telling the truth, so hopefully an opportunity that works better for me will come around when I’m actually ready for it.


“It is the Wheel of Fortune that can throw you up very high, or bring you down very low.
Its message is to be indifferent to victory and defeat, as they both come on the turn of the wheel.”
~Jacquetta St. Pol, The Lady of the Rivers (Pippa Gregory)


Fun

Megan Thee Stallion is apparently my bitcoin bae. (I don’t usually like that word, but it seemed appropriate here.)

Last night, she was handing out $1m in bitcoin through Twitter and CashApp to encourage people to invest

I chose this one because it has the original tweet + her talking about bitcoin being a good investment

and since my amount matched what I was seeing on trending topics

I figure I was one maybe 100,000? And who knows how many people asked!

Turns out there was an astrological precedent for that! (I didn’t just stick this in here to brag…though my Leo side is probably making me do it! Haha)

Let’s hear from Geminihilist about what the planets were doing last night:

My mom says, “What are you going to do with all that money?”

Yodel if you hodl!

(That’s not a spelling error, by the way–it’s a legit crypto term.)
(One of the commenters said that the gal in the video no longer likes yodeling, because America’s Got Talent pigeonholed her and that’s all people want to do these days.)

I don’t hold as long as I probably should, but for a little, anyway, as I’m following an astrologer specializing in crypto on Twitter and he(?) said prices are probably going to go up in the next few months. So Meg’s little munificence will be stowed in a crypto wallet as soon as CashApp releases it and I’ll add a little more (and some ethereum) in a few days.

We’ll see what happens.

AstroBits I

Old Business


Learned a few years ago that pictures attract readers.

How's this for old business? (*chuckle*)

There are no refunds available for Win*Star, and the "winning times" program (which I initially thought was going to be useful by itself) has only produced less than $10 in the few times I've tried to use it for gambling. (Three ticket draws were a bust, and then I had some small wins in online lottery games.) I don't like losing money on unhelpful programs, but at least I've gotten some use out of it!

I've tried posting WS as a purchasable download (complete with my reg number, otherwise you can't use it) but—of course—no one's biting.

Solar Fire is pretty awesome, even if I don't know enough astrology to do much with it yet. I bought a lesson with an Aussie teacher while I still had the money (about $25 American) and she showed me stuff I already knew and a few new things, including one I didn't understand…and probably will never use even though she explained it.


On What I Want v What I Can Afford

My inspiration for studying astrology seriously is/was Patrick Watson. Most people would probably expect some fantastic session story where he gives me life-changing news that told me I had to start studying. Why else would he inspire me?

The truth is not that magnificent…especially since I have no idea. If I had to guess, I suspect it's partially to do with the fact that I expected some middle-aged astrology guru with twenty-five(ish plus) years of study under his belt, a gentle-but-firm demeanor…and I got a young man who was also the "weird kid" in school and is a few years younger than me with a thriving consultation business. (Not to mention a decent social media audience—he just hit 10k followers on Twitter earlier today!) So maybe the thought was, "If he can do it, why can't I?"

Unfortunately, I can't launch into the Outerspace of Awesomeness with him quite yet.

The logo above isn't one I just randomly snatched off the internet like most of my other pictures—I'd actually like to go to school there. (Since Patrick went there, natch.)

Except the average price for an astrological education is $1,753.75. And no one seems to offer payment plans. (It's those foreign programs, man! British schools seem to charge per term what American schools charge for the entire thing.) Not that I didn't ask Professor Brennan (after anxiously putting it off for a few days…ah-HEM!). He said something about splitting it  up and I mentioned that PayPal offered a "split into four" thing, but that's still $124.25. (Which I could probably pull off on a monthly basis starting next month, but it still seems like a lot from my presently broke point of view. Plus, I'm not sure if you have to have credit approval for that or anything.) (He also said I could take some of the split-off classes and he'd reduce the price from the final tuition, but even those are something like $75-100 a pop.)

So the Universe is telling me to wait, I guess.

Well, that and maybe try to raise money for my studies by selling Solar Fire's auto-generated reports for cheap on Fiverr. Which I'm doing, as soon as I get the listing finished.

Sure, there's a cheaper school, but it's one of those places that advertise on Facebook and only teaches you the scratch basics, not cool stuff like the Arabic parts of fate and zodiacal releasing—the latter of which Patrick used to successfully predict the outcome of the election, I might add.


I'm going to keep the final bit short and simple, since I'm getting to the "tired and impatient" point with this post.

I finally ran one of SF's synastry reports (read: couples report) for my parents.

If I was a professional astrologer and a couple came to me for a consultation before they got married with a chart like that? I'd apologize and refund their money.

There's a reason my parents are divorced.


Related:

A Little Too Ambitious

Aside

A Little Too Ambitious

Ah, that wonderful moment when you think, "Oh my damn…what did I do?!"

 

I've been dabbling in astrology for years—mainly pulling charts for certain gentlemen toward which I have affection in some form or another—and I decided to study it seriously sometime in the last few weeks. I looked around and found a program that will let you pay module-by-module, and I determined out of three software programs most commonly in use, Win*Star was probably the most practical and reasonably priced. (I also picked up another program for fun, but since I don't have a problem with it, I'm not going to discuss it.) I was all excited to have it…until I wasn't.

I'm pretty sure I was already aware that the interface looked like a relic from Windows 95, but not that it would be hard to navigate. I played quite a bit of "what does this button do?", and I'm still unsure.

The included charts look nothing like I want them to (which is crazy, because there are approximately a zillion) and the aspect lines (those indicating conjunctions, squares, trines, etcetera) won't show up even after clicking the appropriate box.

I even tried the blank chart, thinking I could press one button (or select a pulldown) to give me planets, another aspects, a third to connect the lines…but if it's there, I can't see it.

I'm going to try looking up some tutorials on YouTube to see if that helps before seeking a refund, but I just wanted to have a record of me not liking WS so they won't think I'm trying to cheat them out of their money. (Of course, they can probably deactivate my customer number or something, but…)

As for another program? The Solar Fire demo won't even install, so I can't be sure I won't hate that one, too. It looked really nice when I had a consultation with another astrologer, but looking nice and feeling nice are two different things entirely.

Confessions of the Giftless

or: “I was a Fraud, Therefore, Everyone Else Must be, Too”

I recently reread this article after first encountering it over a year ago, and I must say, the idiocy is astonishing. It’s like…you have no gift so you decided to smear the rest of us? Why the hell did you even start if you didn’t care about what you were doing? If you want to play party games, play party games—don’t make a profession out of something that you don’t actually give a damn about.

Here’s some of the crap The Guardian saw fit to print:

I started off with the cards, but then I found out reading people was just as effective.
Congratulations! Cold reading is exactly what bullshitters like you do. Are you proud of yourself for figuring that one out?

I discovered that most of the time, people didn’t want their future told, they just wanted a listening ear.
So are you telling us that you practiced therapy without a license under the guise of fortunetelling? Did you really just admit to breaking the law? ‘Cause that’s what I’m hearing. (Once or twice is being friendly. Doing it every damn day with most—if not all—of your clients is dangerously close to therapy.)

♑☉ + ♌asc + ♐☾

Astrology is just a word association game. It’s not that hard.
No, but your brain apparently is—only an extremely dense person would think it’s “easy”.

She’s apparently never read through an astrologer’s Twitter feed. It’s a completely different language, with different dialects based on what kind of astrology the person uses.

I don’t know why astrology follows a geocentric model when everyone else went to heliocentric centuries ago.
Because it’s based on what’s in the night sky, you bafflingly brainless bitch! You don’t calculate conjunctions, oppositions, trines, etcetera of the Earth because you’re riding on it!

Just like when we manage to colonize the moon or Mars or whatever, some software developer is going to have to remove the celestial object we’re riding on at the time and replace it with Earth. Only then will the Earth have aspects to the other luminaries.


I hope my future commentary on astrology (and divination) will be a lot better. Hopefully I won’t run into any more morons!

 

Note from 120520: after being introduced to my astrology software, I’ve since learned that a heliocentric model is used for some calculations. However, this woman was complaining about it in terms of “everyone and their brother knows the Earth revolves around the sun”. (Not to mention that a woman who thinks astrology is about “word association” sure as hell isn’t going to be doing complicated heliocentric calculations!)