Or: No, The Patriot is Probably Not Hexed—People Tend to Die in Twenty Years
I’ll explain my method of calculation for that in a minute.
Una Candelaria bendita para ti y a todos sus amigos! As you’ll remember from “Steal Me a Holiday”, Candelaria (or Candlemas, as I called it there) celebrates the earliest signs of spring and the blessing of the fields. Since I’m a follower of Kali-ma, the Hindu Goddess of Death and Rebirth, I thought it might be interesting to mark the arrival of spring with…dead people.
Yeah, okay, maybe I didn’t think that out very well. (*giggle*)
But My Lady would remind us that there is no rebirth without death to fertilize the ground. After all, what is a compost pile but dead food and vegetation?
Maybe it would be better if I just skipped to the meme that inspired me to post:
(It used a different picture, but I like this one better.)
I keep thinking that only three people associated with the movie (directly or indirectly) had passed, but I remembered a fourth that was almost as big as Heath’s.
Before we get into the sad stuff, though, allow me to toss in a picture of Matilda Ledger (and her mommy!) for some cheer:
I love this movie. I watch it once a year. I have no idea why I don’t own the DVD anymore. I have fanart, for Goddess’s sake, and my current novel is heavily inspired by it.
I’m not here to quibble about historical inaccuracies, though—if you know me, you know the Revolution isn’t my department. But I thought it might be fun to do a who’s who of the major characters and point out some facts I’ve picked up over the years about who (and what) is real and what’s not.
Real Person, Different Name
RPDN happens with several characters in this movie…I’m guessing so that the writers could take as much creative license as they liked and no one would complain. (Which in one case was absolutely necessary, as you’ll soon see.)
I’m not going to talk about Ben. We all know him, the movie is about him and his struggles to be a good father while dealing with the incoming Revolution.
But what about Ben and the militia using the ruins of the old mission as a base? And Billings’s comment about a ghost that slaughtered twenty redcoats with a Cherokee tomahawk?
While Ben was referred to as the “swamp ghost” (if memory serves), his real life counterpart, Francis Marion was known as the “swamp fox“.
And yes, Francis was a right pain in the ass for the real Tavington, just like in the movie.
After chasing him for twenty-six miles through the swamp (yes, really!), the real version of Tavington declared, “As for this damned old fox, the Devil himself could not catch him!”
Having successfully harried the British with his guerilla tactics on multiple occasions, Francis was promoted to brigadier general by John Rutledge (the governor of South Carolina). Thanks to sharing his skills with others, Francis is considered the father of the Rangers and other special forces, such as the green berets.
As a sidebar, Francis really did have a male relative named Gabriel, but he was Francis’s cousin, not his son. It was his death that spurred Francis to fight in the Revolution, much like Thomas’s death pushing Ben.
Real Person, Different Name
I think it’s telling that not one Jason Isaacs fan I’ve met has ever argued that Tavington and Malfoy are equally nasty; but I don’t think Malfoy would’ve ever stooped to burning a church down.
(I hesitate to say that Lucius is more merciful; but at least avada kedavra is instant!)
I’d like to say the real Tavington was better, but not by much. A British historian pointed out that he and Francis had many of the same traits in common: “…[they] tortured prisoners, hanged fence-sitters, abused parole and flags of truce, and shot their own men when they failed to live up to the harsh standards they set.”
You might find this a little hard to believe of Tavington, but in his youth, Banastre Tarelton (Tavington’s real life counterpart) was a big gambler and a womanizer. He inherited £5,000 upon the death of his father and lost almost all of it in less than a year. But he was somehow able to scrape up enough money to purchase a commission as a cornet (their version of a second lieutenant) in the First Dragoon Guards in 1775 and managed to work his way up to lieutenant colonel through his leadership skills and talents on horseback. His ascent was aided in the fact that he managed to be promoted to major the following year after capturing General Charles Lee in New Jersey in December.
There was one significant fact that the movie left out, and another that it changed to fit the narrative.
Unlike Tavington, Banastre survived the war. He went home and became a member of parliament for Liverpool, which he kept (save for the span of a year) until 1812. Despite never leading troops into battle after the Revolution, Banastre continued to be promoted and ended his parliamentary service as a full general. He also had fifteen year relationship with Mary “Perdita” Robinson (a former mistress of George IV who had been with him while he was still a prince), having started dating her on a bet.
“If he survived, does that mean there was no big battle between him and Francis?”
Based on his inability to catch the Swamp Fox, the odds are good. He was wounded in an ambush against one of the movie’s significant characters, however—that’s what changed.
In 1778, Banastre led an attack on a communications outpost in Easttown, Pennsylvania.
His Continental counterpart? The real life version of Colonel Burwell.
I crave your pardon in advance if I’ve already told this story. I think I’ve shared it in bits and pieces over the years (and mentioned a little on my bibliography page), but do not believe I’ve ever posted the entire story at once.
When I was in high school, I dated a guy named Kyle1 through the end of his senior year and the start of his time in community college. Kyle was taking a media issues and television production class with Professor Parker2, whom he got to chatting with one day and confessed his love for the work of director Sam Raimi. It turned out that the professor knew Dr. Octavius at Michigan State, who’d had Sam in class many years ago, so Professor Parker put Kyle and the doctor in touch. To Kyle’s great joy, Dr. Octavius still talked to Sam from time to time and promised to get Kyle an interview with him the next time he came back to Michigan3.
Not the real Professor Parker and Doctor Octavius. Sorry, y’all.
I want to say, “I don’t know why I said this”, but I do know. I said it, but I also thought there wasn’t a snowball’s chance in hell that it was going to happen.
I had the audacity to say, “Maybe you should ask Sam if I can be in one of his future movies.”
And Kyle had the temerity to do it.
I need to step back from the story a minute, because I believe it’s important to tell you: I have absolutely no reason to believe Kyle was lying to me. Not then, not ever.7
First, because he was deeply in love with me. If I had loved him in return, we would’ve been married several years ago, and his children would also be mine.
Second, I made him tell me the number he was calling, and my friends and I have both verified that it belongs/belonged to Renaissance Pictures (Sam’s production company). It wasn’t some audio spoof that Kyle set up somehow—not only is he not that clever, but the calls I mentioned happened at random times over several years, making it difficult to maintain a phone number and recording for that long. (Plus, this went down in 2001—before the era of Skype, Google Voice and a zillion other such apps.)4
Not that that explanation makes it sound any less crazy when I say “they agreed”.
When Kyle called the first time, he spoke to someone who claimed he was Grant Curtis (pictured with co-producer Laura Ziskin), Sam’s assistant.5, 6 Despite having no demo reel, no resume, no headshot, no audition video or screentest, “Grant” claimed they could use me in the third movie as the Green Goblin‘s long-lost daughter. (I don’t know how they’d stretch the following story out so far, but I wasn’t thinking in terms of that at the time.)
The story would go that—ever paranoid—Norman Osborn had prepared for the event of his death by not trusting his son (Harry) with his fortune. (Nice father, right? But if you’ve seen the Raimi movies, you know this is normal.) Instead, ownership of his company and all his assets reverted to the sister Harry never knew he had, and it would be up to Harry to track her down if he wanted his inheritance. Nothing was ever decided on whether he’d know how to find her, only that she was living in Australia (which I later asked to be changed to Ireland).
I also recall submitting a list of names from which they could choose a forename and middle, and they settled on Ophelia Rhiannon. (I’d hoped they’d settle on Ophelia…it looks So Very Proper next to her brother’s name.)
He could've been my first movie daddy. Seriously.
Sidebar: if you’ve seen the Amazing Spider-Man movies, you’ll know that Asher8 was involved in the Spiderverse, however briefly. We’ll get to that momentarily. He deserves his own separate rant, after all.
2020 sidebar: and rant it shall be, because my note to myself reads (profanity intact): I am NOT KILLING OFF ASHER, so you can STICK THAT IN YOUR FUCKING PIPES AND SMOKE IT, BITCHES!
But here’s where my memory gets fuzzy, since this was 2001 or so.
I know they stalled.
They eventually decided they were “going a different way” and they didn’t want me anymore.
Most people would give up, but you can’t give a novelist a storyseed and expect her to ignore it because of copyright.
At least not if you’re me!
Page 2: Ophelia, a revision of Ophelia and Sevens
(+ “No, I’m not killing my Hollywood crush!”)
(I’m making these a link now, so you don’t have to look for the tiny pagination.)
1Name changed to one of his favorite characters (Modern Age version, according to Wiki) less to protect his identity and more because his real name is boring. Plus, I had a long-term crush on a guy whose name was actually Kyle, so it kind of all fits?
2I don’t know these professors’ real names, so I’m using Spider-Man characters.
3Sam grew up in Michigan, and one of his brother is an emergency room doctor in the Detroit area. The other is a frequent guest star in his movies.
4During the course of writing this, I realized that I’d never asked Kyle if he ever lied to me. So I finally did, and he said no. Which I believe, because—as I said before— I know he loved me.
5That doesn’t make too much sense now when you check his IMDb page and discover that he wasn’t credited as Sam’s assistant back then; but you could also argue that it was meant as “assistant producer” or some such, and you’d be partially correct.
6Kyle spoke a few times with another gentleman who said he was Grant’s assistant, but I can’t remember which times anymore, so I’m leaving him out.
7The numbers got mucked up because I started this in 2018 and didn’t want to rearrange them when I came back to work on this in 2020. Anyway, I found out in 2019 that he was lying and had possibly lied to me by the time I started this post. But probably not about this. (If anyone was lying it was someone on the other end to him.)
8I have such a massive crush that it renders me into painful shyness…to the point where I don’t want to say that I have a crush on Chris Cooper. So I call him by a nickname; or rather, the name I came up with for a storyseed after I discovered my affections. His character’s name was Asher, and it stuck—especially when I discovered that the Hindi word for “blessing” is aasheervaad. (And my Patroness is a Hindu goddess, so it fits. 😉 )
Almost three years ago (has it been that long already?), I wrote an entry about women I thought were more beautiful than Julia Roberts. (Remember the blue squares? I’m more of a rectangle now, thanks to medication-induced weight gain, but a blue 2D shape I am still!) Three ladies have been downgraded to honorable mention and I’ve discovered a new “pretty”, but the rest are still there. (I don’t know why I try for a certain order…they each have their special qualities!)
Oh and the previously mentioned gentleman? He gets a special entry of his own. 😉
Note: some of the photos are repeats from last time; partially because some of those included are slightly obscure and partially because of them are too good not to repeat.
Note 2: these photos were redone in 2017 after the links were broken, so the commentary may not match the picture in question.
Irina Pantaeva: Ah, aging…how cruel thou art! Irina was my age when Mortal Kombat II came out, so of course she looked lovely! But I still think this photo is stellar and couldn’t leave her out.
(Irina hasn’t done anything since 2002.)
Maddie Hasson: should be twenty-one this year! It sounds like she took a little time off to finish her education…good for her.
(Maddie’s next big project is I Saw the Light, wherein she plays Billie Jean, Hank Williams’s second wife–to Tom Hiddleston’s Hank!)
Jennifer Leann Carpenter: don’t you just love that photo? ♥
I think I fell in love with her during Dexter, so it kind of fizzled when the series ended (and maybe a little before).
(Jen has been doing various small projects since the end of Dexter.)
Sofía Margarita Vergara y Vergara: I have a hard time deciding whether I think Sofia is pretty. She’s bloody freaking funny though (even when she’s talking about everyday things…must be that Baranquilla accent!), so she definitely deserves to be in the honorable mentions!
(I’m too lazy to check and see if she’s done anything recently outside of Modern Family.)
The Hot List
7. Heidi Klum: Ugh, I haven’t seen my German darling in so long! (It doesn’t help that I don’t watch Ellen very much anymore.) And I was super sorry to hear all that crap Seal said about her when they divorced. (As Stephanie Tanner used to say, “How rude!“)
You know what I look forward to each year? Heidi’s Samhain costume. She is the Queen of Halloween!
(I just remembered where I get to see her! The upcoming season of America’s Got Talent–probably starting in May! WOOHOO!)
6. Alison Elizabeth Larter: You know what’s tragic? I think I heard a while back that Ali’s not interested in coming back for Heroes: Reborn. I’m delighted to pieces that Jack is back (and was the first one announced!), but I’ll miss Ali’s lovely face on my screen. 🙁
(Ali was most recently on Legends.)
5. Sandra Annette Bullock: I claim to be a big Sandy fan, but I actually wrote her out of an upcoming book!
It was hard to do…I mean, when do I not want one of my favorites in one of my novels? But while she made an excellent counter to Stana’s kickass nature, I just couldn’t imagine her in a combat zone. (Maybe I need to watch her in more dramas?) This is actually the second time I’ve replaced her and honestly, I’m not sure this one will stick, either. (I think Emily Blunt is “grand altogether”, to borrow an Irish phrase; but I also think I’ve fallen in love with how Sandy and Stana play off each other–or could, if they were in a movie.)
I look forward to “seeing” Sandy in Minions this summer–clichéd catchphrase and all.
4. María José “Cote” de Pablo y Fernandez: Okay, just…yum.
Maybe I didn’t notice her Goddess-given beauty when she was busy taking the baddies down during NCIS, but I’m paying attention now and she’s just…eye candy. Too bad I already have a “if I was a lesbian, this would be my dream girlfriend” picked out. (*giggle*)
(Cote was most recently on the Dovekeepers. [Which was rather disappointing. *sigh*])
3. Mariska Magdolna Hargitay: (Or, as I affectionately call her, “Mishka”.)
Mishka probably ended up higher on this list than last time because I watched a few episodes of SVU on Sunday, but…she’s so lovely. She’s such a strong, tenacious woman and–let’s face it–without Cote (and excluding Stana), Mishka is the most kickass woman on television. I like women who literally kick ass, but there’s something about a woman who uses her mind and words–much like Olivia Benson–that is very appealing. (To that end, I wish they’d had an SVU/CI crossover when Criminal Intent was still on the air. I would’ve liked to see Olivia Benson paired off with Vincent D’Onofrio’s Robert Goren.)
As a point of interest, I almost had a double replacement for Sandy–Emily and Mishka. But I decided it was too awkward and–after an impromptu Facebook vote–made Emily her replacement. I can hear Mishka’s calm, patient “Benson voice” in my head when I work on my latest story seed, however, so I think she’ll have a character in there, instead. (I hear the Benson voice when the main character is talking, but Mishka would play the assistant head of the council [Margarene] if there was a movie.)
(Mishka doesn’t appear in much outside of SVU.)
2. Amber Rose Revah: Have you been waiting for a new addition to the Hot List? Well, she’s it. 😉
I’d love to start this off with my usual “she’s so beautiful!” spiel, but–unfortunately–I have to start off with a complaint. You see, there’s a white gal out there who goes by the name of “Amber Rose” (I think she’s a stripper or some such, so that may be a stage name) that has been fighting with the “Kar-trash-ians” and people (MTV included, apparently) don’t look before they tweet, so my wonderful Amber (who is English and clearly not white) gets a lot of bullshit and lewd comments meant for the swamp slut. Horrible. (People should really pay attention before they say things…that’s why I always double-check the handle of the celebrity I’m referring to before tweeting.)
Anywho…as I’ve said before, I fell in love with her while watching The Bible and Son of God, so when my (former) sweetpea wasn’t onscreen, I still had something nice to look at. ^_^ | I like that the recent trend with Mary Magdalene is that no one is treating the…can I still say “character”? as a prostitute anymore, and that she’s turned out to be the disciple she was always meant to be. In fact, the one thing that caught my eye with Amber was not her lovely looks (mostly shrouded, due to her role), but the fact that her version of Maggie would never take guff from any of the other disciples. I really appreciate that Mark and Roma did that, and if they had at least brought Amber back for AD, I would’ve watched.
(Amber has a television show called Indian Summer coming out [if it isn’t already], but I haven’t heard whether they’ll ever carry it on BBC America.)
1. Stana Katic: Oh my…what’s left to say about my Croatian Cutie, this Golden Goddess of Television Heroines? (Save for the fact that I would change it to “Patron Saint of Television Heroines” were I still Christian.) Have I used up all my words about her yet? It may be hard for my loyal readers (the very few) to imagine, but I’m feeling Jamie levels of dry, here! (Oh, how about, “Why haven’t she and Nate Fillion started up a showmance already?!” Or maybe they have and just never publicised it.)
I’ll tell you one thing…I couldn’t convince myself to take her character (Sera Kent) out of Dark and Dirty Games. As I’ve mentioned before, the basic premise is that the Gamesmaster kills off the ones I love; so technically, my Ultimate GirlCrush shouldn’t even be in this novel. But my heart wouldn’t let my mind do it. I was going to compromise and have Sera killed off before the end, but when I slimmed the new Emily/Mishka duo down to one (don’t ask me what Mishka’s name was, but Em’s character is called “Evelyn Bennett”), I let myself out of the pact.
Let’s be honest: Sera will probably make it through the end unscathed, because I just love her too damn much to kill off her character. In fact, I really ought to have Sera save Nicholas or Alexander–she’s that important.
(Stana is still doing her thing on Castle, where she and Nate Fillion’s character are happily married. Or mostly.)
Remember last time, when I mentioned that this was partially inspired by “Creepy”?
Well, in three years, he’s been upgraded and/or promoted. Three times.
First, he went from Creepy to Trouble. It’s not just because he usually plays villains (I guess…he has so many credits on IMDb, he could make some of the A-listers blush. Like his sister!) and it’s definitely not that he’s sober, because if drugs were a problem, then there’d be an issue with Jamie. No, my best friend (when I had one) used to say “that’s just not on” and that’s exactly it. There’s something off with his energy or…something and he’s very much not on. So rather than struggle to put intuition into words, it’s just easier to call him Trouble. 😀
A few months ago, I decided I was in a love-hate relationship with him. (And he knows it very well. We’ve held short, strange conversations over the last three years and he’s been following me on twitter for a couple of months. Pretty sure he’s aware.) To be honest, he’s handsome and adorable in a strange little way. Quite frequently, I can convince myself to stay away; but other times? (Like now?) Pfft…forget it! He’s kind of like a caramel frappe from McDonald’s: delicious, but so not worth the calories. (Or the ice cream headache, come down to it.) Except I don’t mind watching him on television sometimes, because that’s a “calorie free zone”. (Only when we’re directly interacting do I have to worry.)
So now I’ve decided that I have a “pet weirdo”.
(And no, he doesn’t know. 😉 )
Hello, Eric Anthony Roberts. (evil laughter)
Now this is not my first pet weirdo…I just never decided to call Willem Dafoe (who I was a fan of for a short time in high school) my pet. I’m kind of glad him dumping Elizabeth LeCompte for Giada Colagrande made me dump him, so I wouldn’t feel obligated to watch Nymphomaniac and all the other weird shit he’s gotten into since he married Giada. (Although I should know from “weird shit”, given my current pet and his predilection for taking any role that ever comes his way!) (By the way, you don’t know how hard I’ve giggled every time “Mijn konijn heet Willem” comes up in my Dutch lessons, since that’s precisely who I think of! [That’s “My rabbit is called William” for you non-Dutch speakers.])
So what do you do with a pet weirdo?
Four thousand miles away makes it hard to love him and squeeze him and call him “George” (thank you, Looney Tunes)…and that’s actually his tamer-wife’s job, anyway. (*cackle*)
No, but I can write one novel where he’s a villain who is going to be killed after trying to assault me/Kaia and another where he’s…he’s…well, how do you describe someone who bought his way onto the Council after having an affair with the protagonist’s mother and sending her to a faraway sector? (Other than that?) (Oh and Tasivere has the hots for Sheiumoni-Lanai. Of course.)
And continue to come up with clever quips, such as, “That’s so wrong, it makes Eric Roberts look right!” 😀
Greetings, nerds and nerdettes! Another weekend is upon us and that means another new episode of our beloved King of the Nerds! Huzzah!
This week’s Nerd War was the best since “Imaginary Realms”. I have to admit that I didn’t really form an opinion on each argument…I was paying more attention to who was more forceful in their convictions, made a better presentation, etcetera. My thoughts on each round are below–bold is my personal choice for winner, italics is who actually won the round.
Round One: Alana versus Ivan (two stars) — I couldn’t make a decision, because while I feel Alana had a reasonable argument, I agree that Ivan had a strong presentation. Nevertheless, Ivan’s argument seemed rather roundabout and circular and I had a hard time figuring out what side he was on–even with identification shown on the screen!
Round Two: Joshua versus Genevieve (five stars) — Viv trounced Josh, easy. I love how enthusiastic she was and she has a point when it comes to heroes attracting villains. To me, it’s really hard to argue with the evidence that Mr. Mxyzptlk came to Earth for the sole reason of pissing off Superman.
Round Three: Danielle versus Celeste (four stars) — I really felt bad for Celeste. She knew nothing about the topic and had massive stage fright to boot. I wish I could’ve gone on for her, actually. I don’t get stage fright that easily (I’m more nervous of missing my lines, which wouldn’t have been a problem with that debate) and once one of the competitors pointed out the whole task was really to write a short paper on the topic and present it, I realized it would’ve been a breeze for me.
With my scores (and possibly deciding for Alana in my tie, considering how confused Ivan left me), Virgil and Moogega would have had to have debated. And that, of course, I would’ve liked to see! But at least I got plenty of fulfilling Moo-ness this week. <3
Bitch Move of the Week: Ordinarily, I wouldn’t advocate for giving these “awards” to those outside the game; but exceptional circumstances call for exceptional moves. This week’s award goes to Kevin Smith. What kind of dickhead praises Viv right and left and ultimately awards the round to Josh?! At first, I thought Viv’s reaction was a little overdramatic, but it was one of those things where, after you think about it for a couple of minutes, you realize she’s absolutely right and you’d probably be freaking out in the same fashion. (Or at least I would!)
Dumbass Move of the Week: “My husband and I have a whole storage unit full of comics. I don’t need to study.” Kids, always study! I know I don’t practice what I preach (I hate studying), but for that Nerd-Off, I definitely would’ve been on Wiki the whole two hours. In fact, I’m not sure I would know what to look for, so I would’ve taken any advice I could’ve gotten from my teammates.
Slightly off topic from the show, I read a review Thursday night that complained that Bobby (yeah, there I go with “Booby” again…”Rob” for the rest of the post) looked like he was there for the paycheck only, and that Curt looked like he was alternately ready to torment the teams and join in.
Yeah. Okay. Sure. How ’bout you run right back and check the four Nerds movies, hmm?
Booger was Off. The Freaking. Wall. Calm was not in his dictionary…or at least not in his dictionary as it related to him. Lewis was the antithesis of Booger. Calm, perhaps somewhat reserved, very polite and very rational. Remembering that and seeing Curt and Rob in action, how then can you expect them to be any different?
Oh yeah. You can’t!
Never having met Rob, I can’t say for certain, but he’s always struck me as quiet and reserved. If you want him in a movie or on a television show, you have to pry him out of the (proverbial) woodwork first. I don’t mind saying that he’s probably perfectly happy at home with his lovely wife and his music. (I read a while back that he likes to play guitar, among other things.) Plus, his youngest is twenty, so he and Edie are probably still in the first flower of their “empty nest romance renewal” (or whatever you’d like to call it).
You want action and adventure, check out the movies of his late brother, Dave. After all, what was he best known for? Kwai Chang Kane and Bill (of Kill Bill fame), of course–kick-assery right to the end.
You want wit so dry, it makes the English laugh? (I’m sure of it!) Check out his next older brother. (Better to go for season two of Dexter or his appearance on Big Bang Theory…Cowboys and Aliens was great, but he gets abducted partway into the picture.)
But if you want sweet, quiet and unoffensive, Rob’s your man.